16 The Private Self
This chapter will discuss the rights and responsibilities of a person when they have privacy. The Kitab-i-Aqdas does not explicitly describe a right to privacy, but it is heavily implied. The soul itself seems hidden within the flesh, its qualities not always obvious. The practices to refine this hidden entity are primarily private practices. We pray at home and in the hidden chambers of the Mashriq’ul-Adhkar. Our remembrance can occur in public, but in a way which is not meant to be seen except for the Mashriq’ul-Adhkar.
These are the times when no one knows their actions except for themselves and God. The private self could also be the thoughts and feelings which we do not freely show to others. What we think, feel, and do in private directly influences how our public self interacts in the communities near to us, public social media, or anonymous online spaces where the private and public self are merged closely together. Even when we are in public, we maintain the right to privacy. These rights from before you were mature still apply, as do the rights and responsibilities from the prior chapter. These rights and responsibilities of the private self help develop a robust pyscho-spiritual framework for the liberation of the soul.
16.1 Responsibilities Associated With Premature Rights
With becoming mature, there are some responsibilities a person will carry into their private life. The associated rights were described earlier in Chapter 14’s From Birth to Maturity. I will list these in this section, and as this chapter unfolds, some of these will be more fully discussed.
The responsibility of life
The responsibility of identity
The responsibility of purity
The responsibility of a dignified appearance
The responsibility of love and kindness
The responsibility to not oppress, to include lewdness, pederasty, physical harm, emotional harm, provision, hatred, corruption, tyranny, and justice.
The responsibility to have a skilled physician
The responsibility to education
16.2 The Right and Responsibility to Be Free From Illusions
Baha’u’llah discusses the need to be free from illusions. This is one of the most repeated commandments throughout His writings. In the Kitab-i-Aqdas, the warning exists in verses 17, 35, 37, 41, and 167. Illusions are deceptions. They alter our sense of reality and can erroneously shape our beliefs, feelings, thoughts, and actions. Illusions can also interfere with our faith. If God is the source of all creation, anything else we find more important or influential than God might end up shaping our illusions. There are illusions which are unintentional, some which are intentional, some created for us by others, and some created by ourselves.
The Kitab-i-Aqdas describes illusions as idols of our desires.1 One cause of illusions are conjectures, which are opinions and conclusions made by inference, without evidence. We are certain this conjecture is true, even if it is not. Conjecture can take many forms. There could be superstitions passed on from prior generations, or even fictional stories of old treated as truth of today. Conjecture could be saying that God wants us to do something, but there is no evidence of this in any Scripture. Conjecture could be treating traditions and religious jurisprudence as revelation. Other forms of conjecture could be entertainment shows acting as fact-based news, political discussions that exclude legislation or voting records of representatives, conspiracy theories, gossip, or things we create within our own imaginations. We have a right to be from the illusions of others, with a responsibility to discern what is evidence and what is not. We have a responsibility not to consume media which create these illusions. If we consider our constellation of virtues, conjecture hides reason. What is more damaging is feeling joy or happiness from such illusions. What if we create illusions about a loved one which negatively effects how we perceive that love?
What we create illusions within our own imaginations, it can be quite devastating for us spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. Psychologically there are many disorders where illusions alter the sense of reality when compared to a more rational person. Suspicions2 are one way illusions effect how we approach truth, especially if it reaches to a level of paranoia. This means we have a right to be free from illusions including a right for us to be free from illusions we create for ourselves. We have a responsibility to be free from illusions we create for ourselves, even if such illusions are derived from past traumas or other false narratives. Illusions such as “I am unworthy of love,” “I am always a victim,” or “I deserve shame and humiliation” are incredible obstacles on our spiritual journey and life in this world. They violate are right to kindness, where we have a responsibility to be kind to ourselves. If such illusions interfere with your right to identity or other rights, remember you also have a right and responsibility to seek skilled physicians. The spiritual practices from Part 2 are also a vital pathway to burning away such illusions, which are considered veils between you and God.
16.3 The Right and Responsibility To Not Be Wretched
The Kitab-i-Aqdas tells us not to follow a wretched one.3 A wretched person is miserable, has a poor character, or maybe is regularly claiming distress or misfortune. When we are discerning what is true or real, we should also try to discern if we are allowing a wretched person create illusions, such as the ones described in the earlier section. We have a right and responsibility to never follow a wretched person, even if this person claims to be an authority in the subject they discuss. Is the talk show host miserable? Is this friend focused on all the things which are wrong in their life, without showing gratitude? When we are alone or having private thoughts, what type of person has influenced this precious time and mental resources?
We also have the right and responsibility to now be wretched ourselves. It would be a clear injustice if we are privately miserable but act with charisma to gain influence or followers. What if we look in the mirror and focus on changing our outer appearance with cosmetic surgery? This is not true to our identity and is a manipulative illusion. We must be careful to find pathways to avoid wretchedness in private so we do not create woe elsewhere.
16.4 The Right and Responsibility To Not Be a Tyrant
The same verse of the Kitab-i-Aqdas tells us not to follow a tyrant. This also means we also have a right and a responsibility not to be a tyrant. A tyrant is someone who is cruel, harsh, and applies rules more strictly for others than themselves. This starts in private just as wretchedness does. What if we create an illusion a person does not deserve a right merely because of another illusion such as race? This betrays the very Cause of God. Imagining any person can be deprived of rights you want to keep is tyranny, even if you do not have the power to act on it. Baha’u’llah says “Do not be preoccupied with yourself,4 be in the thought of improving the world and refining nations.” He further adds to “desire not for anyone what you would not desire for yourselves.”5 Any thought or feeling which interferes with this responsibility is an illusion.
Sometimes illusions which cause tyranny are unintentional. Other times they can be intentional. Illusions which are not conjecture-based are delusions. A delusion is a purposeful deception. It can cause a false belief or even interfere with the hopes and plans of yourself or another. Baha’u’llah says it is important for scholars6 and sovereign leaders7 to stop being the source of delusions. However, this is not limited to scholars and sovereign leaders. The virtue of trustworthiness requires all of us to be free of delusions. We have a right and responsibility to avoid the delusions of others, and the right and responsibility to never be the source of delusions. Baha’u’llah says to break the chains of delusions in the name of the Lord of all mankind.8
16.5 Break the Boundaries of Self and Desire
Earlier in the chapter we shared Baha’u’llah’s teaching how illusions are the idols of desires. Idols are often considered as objects worshiped as a false god, such as the golden calf created be the Hebrews while Moses was on a sojourn with God. Idols can also be things which are excessively adored to the point of being the primary driver of thoughts, feelings, and belief. Ultimately, all idols detract from God or in developing a personal relationship with all the names of God.
Like delusions, we are to break the boundaries of self and desire.9 If the command of God is the true boundary, self and desire are more restrictive boundaries. We have a right to break through them to attain the actual boundaries, which are represented by the Sidrat-ul-Muntaha, the boundary of the furthest horizon. No one has a right to keep you bounded by self and desire, nor do they have a right to shape them for you. On the other hand, we each have a responsibility to yourselves to put forth the effort to be free of self and desire. Self and desire is a source of division among people.10 Division and unity start with who we are in private.
16.6 The Self
The American Psychological Association dictionary, dated November 2023, says the self is the totality of the individual, consisting of all characteristic attributes, conscious and unconscious, mental and physical. Baha’u’llah wants us to break the boundaries of our characteristic attributes.
This can include personality traits such as being introvert or extrovert, your placement on a personality profile like a Jung typology, a zodiac profile, or even something simple as saying you are a happy person. These are habitual ways of how we shape our identity. These habits could vary between our private self and the adapted social self, or they can remain consistent in both settings. To break a boundary of self, we must be willing to break these habits which do not benefit our soul or the souls of others.
Cognitive attributes can be part of the characteristic attributes of self, such as our typical styles of thinking. This can include our styles of logic, inference, intuition, or how we see the strategic versus the tactical. To break the boundary of self, we must be willing to break our style of thinking.
Our emotional disposition such as baseline moods and tendencies help shape the self. Optimism and pessimism, stability and instability, and empathetic and narcissism are all various emotional conditions which have a full spectrum of unique expression. They shape our responses to relationships, stress, important events, and the unpredictable nature of life. To break the boundary of self, we must be willing to break the base emotions which guide our soul.
Values, morals, and ethical commitments shape are a part of our characteristic attributes. These can be influenced by philosophies, politics, cultural values, other religions, or even unique family situations. They shape deep-seated goals, desires, and meanings. They shape our normative self, the person who we hope to be and the person who we hope to present to others. To break the boundary of self, we must be willing to break these values, morals, and ethical commitments.
Our physical characteristics are a part of our self. This can include observable characteristics such as our body composition, shape, height, skin and hair color, gender, or even how the parts of the body function. Less visible features such as chronic conditions and genetic profiles shape our experiences. To break the boundary of self, we must be willing to view the body as a temporary vessel for the soul, like discussed in Chapter 2.
Our social and relational attributes also comprise our characteristics of self. This can include interaction patterns such as dominance or submissiveness, giving or receiving, apathy or caring, or even cooperative or disruptive. These attributes also include the roles we serve or identify with. Being a parent, leader, teacher, artist, athlete, or inclusion in groups such as religious membership, clubs, corporations, or NGOs become a part of our self-perception. To break the boundary of self, we must be willing to break the boundaries of social and relational attributes.
16.7 Desires
Desires are a subject Baha’u’llah was deeply concerned about in the Kitab-i-Aqdas. The idea of desires interfering in the spiritual and social pathways are everywhere. Desires themselves are not prohibited, but their expression must be in a way which does not interfere with your spiritual journey nor with the spiritual journey of others. Desires which inhibit these things start with our private self and can become intentional and unintentional illusions of self. The Kitab-i-Aqdas has at least 17 different types of desires we are responsible for controlling. The next section will discuss these according to theme.
16.7.1 Desires of Status
Desires of status include a few aspects. The first would be in our station,11 meaning the position or status we hold within this world. How highly do we desire to be exalted? How special do we see ourselves when we consider our ambitions or look in the mirror? We have a responsibility to never exceed our stations, with an explicit prohibition on believing we can take the place of God in essence, quality, attributes, functions, or status. We also have a responsibility to be aware we are created from the same dust.12
We also have a responsibility in our desire of might.13 What is the purpose in wanting power over another? Is it to dominate or is it to protect those who are vulnerable? Baha’u’llah warns leaders such as Napoleon the most mighty rulers on Earth have passed on, losing their entire kingdoms in an instant. Those kingdoms are God’s, even when God allows a person to have sovereignty. This might is not limited to the rule of nations, though. There are power dynamics in families, business, councils, schools, and at local levels of government. Desiring might in any of these settings must be tempered with a desire to reflect other names of God. No matter if our kingdom is great or small, we have a responsibility in desiring them only if we desire to serve God.14
One way we often demonstrate our status is through our wealth, or obvious presentation of wealth. Baha’u’llah warns us in desiring the treasures of the world.15 We have a responsibility to earn and have some wealth, but we cannot deprive others of wealth in the process. Like sovereignty, the treasures you possess will be possessed by others when you pass from this world. We also have a responsibility in how we present our outward adornment,16 which can be fine clothing, jewelry, luxury goods, lavish homes, and other symbols. We have a right and responsibility to be refined in appearance, but not to be lavish.
One final way we express the desire of wealth status is through inheritance. When we consider what we have and what we might leave behind, how do we consider others? We have a right to inherit17 and a responsibility to give inheritance. Baha’u’llah describes in great detail to whom, without any prerequisites. For example, a descendant is always a descendant. We do not have a right to alter their station, even if our desires for our descendants do not align with their desires. A will is the final way to express one’s desires and is a legacy we choose to leave behind. They can alter the entire course of families and others who fulfill the station of kin.
All of these desires of status can serve as illusions if we shape our identity by our status, might, and wealth. We have a right to desire status, might, and wealth, but being detached from them when we shape our identity helps ensure we keep God exalted and others as our equal.
16.7.2 Desires of Knowledge
There are three types of desires regarding knowledge we have a responsibility for. Baha’u’llah does not want us to be proud in our knowledge.18 This can be derived in our desire of status, to be known as always right. This can also be derived from a fear of being wrong. When we desire to be considered the source of knowledge, we stop being open to learning the mysteries and sciences of the world. We have a right to knowledge, and a responsibility to always be open to receiving knowledge.
Our knowledge helps shape how we respond within creation, especially our beliefs. When we are exercising our right to knowledge, we have the responsibility in prioritizing our sources. No source is forbidden. Yet, Baha’u’llah does challenge us by asking which Qiblih will we turn towards?19 Whichever source is our most adored source also becomes our source of belief and religion. Our responsibility is to ensure God and the Manifestation of God is our point of adoration for knowledge. To desire other sources more, we may struggle in our liberation of the soul.
One source of knowledge often attributed is the one called luck or chance. Even when we have knowledge of what likely outcomes are, we have a desire to beat those odds. Pride or desperation can motivate these actions, even when they are hidden. Baha’u’llah addresses this with a clear prohibition against gambling. We have no right to gambling and a responsibility to refrain. Gambling is often associated with games of chance whose goal is financial gain. Gambling is any action where we purposefully take on high probability of risk for the low possibility of reward. This can include games, but it can also include many other aspects of life. The desire for gambling stems from the idea we have a secret knowledge which can beat those odds. The desire also replaces putting forth the effort to take actions with lower risk and better possibilities of long-term reward.
These desires of pride in your knowledge, adoration in sources other than God, and gambling against known odds can all create illusions which keep us from learning what we need to know and applying it in responsible ways. When we are in private, do we feel there is knowledge to gain? When we are given knowledge, do we say outwardly we know but privately we are dismissing it because it is not our most trusted source? What are we willing to risk just to prove we are right or capable? These are all the types of questions the spiritual practices help answer, especially with self-reflection. They also help ensure our knowledge do not lead to harmful delusions which lead us and others astray.
16.7.3 Desires of Self-Interest
The Kitab-i-Aqdas describes how we should view ourselves as the fingers of one hand and the limbs of one body.20 This perspective starts in private. We have a right to self-interest, but there is a responsibility to the interests of those near to you. Mutual well-being requires a mutually shared interest in each other’s goals, dreams, aspirations, and health.
Baha’u’llah says the affairs of self and desires can cause division. Some of these aspects have already been discussed earlier in this chapter. In addition to those ways, the desires of self-interest can also manifest in many other ways.
We might get caught up in the shame or guilt of past shortfalls. Our desires cause us to hold onto that pain and possibly over-correct into ways which create new shortfalls. A healthy practice of reflection, remembrance, and repentance can keep the desire to be pure from becoming a disillusioned fanatic.
We might get caught up in our careers or personal achievements, constantly planning what the next step is while overlooking friends, neighbors, coworkers, and others connected to us. These desires of self-interest can also make make us hunger for affirmation and other forms of praise, while privately we lack sincerity. For example, in private do we avoid prayer but desire to be seen as pious and righteous? Do we desire the other fingers of the hand to only serve one finger, with a desire to possess or control that which those fingers have? This can create desires of conformity instead of a unity through diversity.
Baha’u’llah says we should not desire for others what we would not desire for yourself.21 This is a great expression of the Golden Rule. We have a right to desire something for ourselves, but we have a responsibility to desire the similar thing for others. This is not a desire of sameness or conformity. For example, you might desire to be the CEO of a company. This does not mean you desire others to be the CEO of a company. Not everyone can be a CEO. But, another might desire to be an effective history teacher. These are not uniform goals. Yet, the potential CEO can still desire the fulfillment of the prospective teacher’s professional goals and vice versa. Each person has their own path and their own desires we need to respect, honor, and desire as our own.
To close this section on self-interest, we have a right to be free from hatred and a responsibility to never hold hatred within us.22 The desires of hatred cause the beings of the spiritual worlds, the concourse on high, to lament, which is to express deep sorrow, anguish, and regret. The love of self should never cause the hatred of another. There is absolutely no reason to ever hate another. The desires of self-interest can create powerful illusions which when held within us, can destroy that which God desires.
16.7.4 Desires of the Body
The final section about desire will discuss the desires of the body. Baha’u’llah expresses specific commands regarding food and drink,23 drugs such as opium,24 and certain aspects regarding sex and sexuality. With food and drink, we should be mindful of our desires during fasting. Baha’u’llah goes into more detail regarding our responsibilities with food in the Tablet of Medicine. The first guidance in this tablet regards food. If food is medicine, our desires are associated with medicine and health. As we have a right to skilled physicians, we also have a right to health when physicians are not present. Some of the associated responsibilities which help temper desires are:
Do not eat except when hungry
Do not drink except when thirsty
Eat only after digestion
Swallow only after thorough chewing
Use foods to initially treat ailments
Do not mix opposites at the table. Begin with soft before hard, and liquid before solid.
Walk a little after eating
Avoid foods which are hard to chew
Eat only a little in the morning
Being excessive in eating aggravates illnesses
These guidances help temper the common desires associated with food so we do not eat excessively, nor eat foods which can cause us to become ill. Sometimes the desire of food makes us eat too quickly, or mix foods together to make eating more efficient. We have a right to be free from eating when we are not hungry, or even eating foods which harm us.
We also have a responsibility not to deprive ourselves of certain kinds of food as an ascetic practice, such as meats.25 Our desire to seem pious does not give a right to prohibit what God allows for others. Our desires for ourselves cannot be desires imposed onto others, even with food and drink.
We have a right to be free from opium and from consuming anything which robs us of reason. Our responsibility is to be free from the desires associated with their temporary benefits. We may desire to be free from pain, so we may consume a drug. The pain could be from the body, or it could be from the heart. We may have a desire to express a different personality, so we seek alcohol or a stimulant. We may desire a powerful spiritual experience without putting forth the effort, so we take a psychedelic. All of these items are like forms of gambling, where there is considerable risk for an immediate reward. The immediate reward is an illusion and could potentially lead to delusions.
The final desire for this chapter will be regarding sexual intercourse and associated desires. This was saved for last as this tends to be the most influential desire and interlinks with all other desires in some way or another. The Kitab-i-Aqdas mentions a few items regarding the desires of sex. We have responsibilities not to desire sex with children,26 nor with our parents and step-parents.27 Children have a right to be free from being desired sexually, even to be considered for engagement into marriage which is basically a promise of future sexual desire being expressed. Sex with another’s spouse (adultery) is also prohibited.28 This also means a married person is a right to be free from the desire of another person who is not their spouse.
We are also warned about allowing certain music and melodies29 causing desire. There is a right to music and melodies, but a responsibility to be virtuous in its use.
The Kitab-i-Aqdas also describes other sexual themes which are born from desires. Lewdness, oppression, corruption, tyranny, and physical and emotional harm can all be associated with sexual desire. Is it possible to sexually desire someone in a way which is not lewd, oppressive, corrupt, tyrannical, nor harmful? I would say yes, if we allow the other desires to also be managed. For example, some people seek power merely so they can have access to more sexual partners. Yet, coercive sexual desires are tyrannical. Some might seek wealth to purchase a comfortable life in exchange for sex. Even desiring marriage solely for a lawful sexual outlet can be a burden, when Baha’u’llah describes the purpose of marriage is tranquility and the creation of a life who knows God. The creation of life does include sex, but the purpose is not sex in itself.
Many consider sexuality to be a core part of their identity, which could be the biggest illusion for a soul to face. Sex is a phenomena which exists only with the body. When the body perishes, so to does the ability and desire for sex. If we allow sexual identity of any kind to shape our sense of self, consume our private thoughts and emotions, we end up trapping our soul in a prison which is difficult to escape from. When all the desires mentioned in this chapter exist to serve the sexual identity, the soul and associated psychology will suffer. Remembering the nature of the soul and its purpose is vital to being free from the illusions of the body and the self.
16.8 The Power of Moderation
This chapter might seem as though all desire is harmful. It is not. Remember the foundational virtues of Chapter 7. We have the innate virtues of piety, pure truthfulness, courtesy, loyalty, and trustworthiness. These can inform how we navigate our desires. For example with our sexual desires, can they be rooted in the innate virtues? They can be if we are immersed within them. These innate virtues can govern every single desire we feel so they can be desired in a healthy way.
Chapter 7 also described moderation, with the fear and love of God being the ultimate guiding principles of moderation. Moderation can take many forms when it comes to understanding the self. For example, where there is a desire for affirmation might also come with a fear of rejection. Every desire has an opposing fear. When our spiritual perspective is to fear God, we may learn not to fear these other illusions such as rejection. Without the fear of rejection, our desire for affirmation might moderate and take a healthier perspective. When our spiritual perspective is to love God, we may express the desire in a way which loves creation or even those we desire.
Moderation is the ultimate guide to ensuring our desires conform to the desires of God. Moderation is the fire which burns away the veils of illusions. Moderation is the pathway to guiding our self to be aligned with the divine Self.
16.9 Freedom
To conclude the discussion about the private self, there is one more desire I want to close with. Baha’u’llah warns in desiring freedom and taking pride in it.30 We each have a right to freedom, where true freedom is following God’s commands through Baha’u’llah. Our private actions, thoughts, and feelings require freedom. Freedom is part of the human experience. For the soul to be liberated and free, our private self must desire the freedom of those in our spiritual journey. All of the illusions we create imprison the soul. Even private illusions can imprison the souls of others who care about our souls.
The next chapter will move on to those other souls. We will move past illusions and desires and cover actual actions we can take with others to govern this freedom. Can the fingers of each hand reach towards heaven together? They can with our rights and responsibilities of the private self being our true boundary.
Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 41↩︎
Lawh-i-Dunya (Tablet of the World)↩︎
Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 70↩︎
Lawh-i-Dunya (Tablet of the World)↩︎
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Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 58↩︎
Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 86 & 170↩︎
Hidden Words of Arabic #68↩︎
Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 86↩︎
Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 83↩︎
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Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 89↩︎
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Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 89↩︎
Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 17↩︎
Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 155↩︎
Suriy-i-Haykal↩︎
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Kitab–i-Aqdas Verse 107↩︎
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Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 51↩︎
Kitab-i-Aqdas Verse 122↩︎